Caption This Contest

I can't come up with anything good. You do it.

Knitting in the Witness Protection Program.

These were both taken from the same site.

Did you run across some knit fug on the interwebnets? Send it to us at knitlisted@gmail.com!

And how many innocent little black bunnies had to die (or otherwise have their little bunny tails severed) for this atrocity of a hat?

Both fashionable and functional, the Don't Fuck with Me hat is equipped with tentacles that will swiftly stun and devour anyone who pisses you off.

Only 3 payments of $29.99! Call now before this amazing offer ends!

Finally someone designed something with novelty yarn that isn't hideous/intended to be an article of clothing! Those critters are seriously cute.

Unfortunately, people are also still making shit like this:

Holy Mother of Fug, this thing is - what is it? She looks like a giant Grateful Dead bear.


I wonder if anyone actually ever made this sweater.

Ew.

What a brilliant solution to my problem! And to think I've suffered in silence for so many years. What's my problem, you ask? Why, clearly, my shoulders, chest, upper-, and lower arms are always frightfully cold whereas my elbows and hands are perfectly fine. Did you really have to ask?

I get a little queasy when I see this. Is it the acrylic camo-yarn? The fur mustache? The fact that it's riding on a cheetah?

more at twiigs.com...

That greyhound is precious! Precious and sad. I don't think I need to explain why.

Alice was wearing a perfectly lovely sweater one day - until she found herself on the other side of the looking glass. Poor Alice. Hopefully she'll drink from the bottle that turns her sweater back to normal.

Enough with the fun fur, people! JUST SAY NO. When you find that eyelash shit at Big Lots do not let the urge to pick up some size 10 1/2 needles and whip up "something unique!" overcome you.

Please, I beg of you.

Front



Back

I think. Not that it really matters. Oh, eBay. You've been an endless purveyor of fug lately.

So far no bids (?!) on this gem. I'll update as to the outcome.

UPDATE: The fun doesn't end here.

AHHHHHH! It’s not even knit!

Granted it does state on the Berro-crap website:

Our octopus with braided legs in Ultra Alpaca is a non-knit craft.

But, STILL! It infuriates me how many ways these companies try to shill their crappy, cheap fugly yarn by creating all these god-awful “patterns” that require the “knitter” to purchase copious amounts of expensive yarn. The Ultra Alpaca that this atrocity (ok, I’ll admit it would make a rather nice dog chew-toy) is made with goes for around $8.50 per 3.5 oz. hank! AND the “pattern” calls for two hanks. That’s at least $17 (before taxes and the decorative bits) for a fucking toy.

This yarn is a 50/50 alpaca/wool blend. It would make a handsome and super warm pair of gloves or mittens for your beloved. But, no! Berro-crap wants us to waste perfectly good yarn on a damn chew-toy.

Normally I don't post photos of themed, oversized sweaters because, well, they're all ugly. And pretty much all the same. And there are tons of them. But this one, found on eBay, actually said:

UGLY Hand Knit Christmas Sweater L Casual Corner Lmtd

but then in the description said:

A really well made and beatiful [sic] sweater!!!

and had 9 different detail closeups. What the fug?

Even if the poor, innocent child you put this on didn't immediately throw it back in your face, I guarantee the jingling would last about 2 minutes before you go absolutely nuts and rip it off yourself.

Oh, but that's not all...

Another eBay find. A crucified denim worm?

I definitely have to agree when the girls at gofugyourself call this:

a thickly knit ode to Twister

I swear that thing was intended to be a table runner. Oh, and check out that awesome lady in the background with the pink bag on her head.

Just get a fannypack. They're way cooler and have zippers.

These were discovered on eBay. And, thanks to Lynn, I now know the inspiration:

Oh HELL NO. I can’t believe someone actually made this.

That is some racist shit! I don’t even want this picture on here.

This was on eBay and luckily there are no bids on it yet. I’ll keep an eye on it. The person who made it didn’t even get it right:

Golliwogs were made popular by Robinson’s Jam in England in the 1960’s.

NO. There is a whole fucked up racist history behind the Golliwog caricature that begins well before the 60s. Ugh, I’m just hoping the knitter is ignorant of the fact that what s/he made is not a “handsome devil!” but a disgusting symbol of oppression.

UPDATE: No one bid on it! Whew!

Ok, I really don’t have a huge problem with this. I mean, if you’re into the whole New Age Boho style of cultural appropriation and really like the I Couldn’t Find My Coat But This Blanket Should Do look, fine. Whatevs. What gets me is that this thing is called “Panini.” What the hell does this hippy shawl/poncho/wrap/comforter thing have to do with panini? It is, by the way, knit in a yarn called Peruvia. Peru? Italy? Huh?

Peruvia also retails for about $7.50 a skein. The pattern calls for 17 skeins. That’s $127.50 (!?).

I’d rather use the $130 to stock my freezer with 45 frozen panini.

You know, on the right person this could look kind of nice. It would look ok on this chick if it weren’t for the major attitude she’s trying to cop. Geez, give it a break. However, what immediately got my attention was the caption:

“Knit in Ultra Alpaca, Sabinette is a felted twisted ladder scarf reminiscent of dna.”

Besides the fact that DNA is an acronym and therefore CAPITALIZED:

a) when the fuck has DNA ever looked like fuzzy, limp white pasta?
b) why would I want to wear DNA (pasta) around my neck?
c) scarves are supposed to keep you warm! Which is, frankly, something that neither pasta, ladders, nor enlarged strands of DNA can do.

Kudos on the 70s kitsch! Seriously, if that wall were avocado green instead of beige, I would be in heaven. But, it is beige, it’s not 1974, and those sleeves are a major fire hazard.