You Lookin' at My Scarf?

Who would walk around wearing this? She looks like she has boxes on her hands. Can you visualize her swinging those things around while she walks? Though I would never tell her that. She looks like some pissed-off chola who would pull a knife out of her giant chunky pocket scarf and slice your face off in a second.

Fur Balls Part II

I found another one...

CA02RF Knit Pattern Rabbit Fur Balls Scarf = Beige

That's the title of the eBay listing. If that's not enough to send you scrambling for your credit card:



No? Still not sold?

I don't understand. Why aren't you buying this right now? Do you know what it's made of? Well, besides fur balls. "Acrylic and Cotton Blended (Cashmere Feel)" It feels like it's made of bunny fur! And it has bunny tails on it. You need this.

Scary Scarf

Sorry about the image, this was the best I could get. What a bobble mess. It looks like some creepy arachnid laid eggs all over this scarf. I get grossed out just looking at this thing.

World's Most Versatile Scarf

Wow! Look at the many different ways you can wear this scarf. Over your shoulders, over your head, OR over your head!

(Silver head beads sold separately.)

This atrocity is being sold on eBay. Rather, the pattern for this atrocity is being sold on eBay. That's right. Someone out there is demanding $3.99 just to get a piece of paper that tells you how to make something that shouldn't have been created in the first place. So that's $3.99 plus all the fugly yarn you'd have to buy plus your precious time and effort that would be put into making this. Some things I'll just never understand...

Yet another gem from the folks at Berroco. It looks like wilted lettuce. Or kelp. Certainly not anything that should go around your neck.

What? Are you kidding me? Ok, I've seen some pretty lame excuses for "patterns," but this is just ridic. It's a scarf knit in garter stitch without the ends weaved in. Yes, I read through the pattern and it actually advises you to just knit half the width and switch to another yarn. That's it. That's all. I mean, I guess I could be thankful for the fact that this is offered as a free pattern and they're not actually charging people to 'learn' how to make this fugly shit... I guess.

Wow. That is a lot of white and a lot of cabling.

Knitting in the Witness Protection Program.

These were both taken from the same site.

Oh, but that's not all...

Another eBay find. A crucified denim worm?

I definitely have to agree when the girls at gofugyourself call this:

a thickly knit ode to Twister

I swear that thing was intended to be a table runner. Oh, and check out that awesome lady in the background with the pink bag on her head.

You know, on the right person this could look kind of nice. It would look ok on this chick if it weren’t for the major attitude she’s trying to cop. Geez, give it a break. However, what immediately got my attention was the caption:

“Knit in Ultra Alpaca, Sabinette is a felted twisted ladder scarf reminiscent of dna.”

Besides the fact that DNA is an acronym and therefore CAPITALIZED:

a) when the fuck has DNA ever looked like fuzzy, limp white pasta?
b) why would I want to wear DNA (pasta) around my neck?
c) scarves are supposed to keep you warm! Which is, frankly, something that neither pasta, ladders, nor enlarged strands of DNA can do.