Mary Was A Little Lamb...

... and her fleece was white as snow.

Of course, after I post about yet another racist knit pattern, I find this being sold on eBay. "A gift for mother's loving fingers"? Yes, give your child the gift of racism. That's cool. And the person selling this apparently doesn't get that this 'toy' is fucked up. The ad merely states:

An adorable knit doll to make in an evening or two!!!"

No one bid on it. Whew!

"Ah, my pretty, pretty little kitty witty. I want my sweaters to be as softy wofty as you. Yes, I do, wittle kitty witty."

Seriously?

"Smell my armpit."
"What?"
"Smell my armpit."
"No."
"Smell my armpit."
"Ew! No!"


"Smell my armpit..."

Because every woman wants a hairy chest.

Yep, I think I'm going to file this one under racist along with the Golliwogs.

Really, It's Not A Horrible Idea...

... adding knitted elements to a regular shirt, but this is a lame attempt. Is that a pocket on the bottom? I love pockets. That pocket, however, does not look functional. It's so tiny and wonky. Why the stains? And not just bleach stains! There's some orange shit on there too! What the fug?

What a shame. Ever since Nancy walked in on her son Jack wearing her good heels and red satin dress she's really been pushing the gender roles. She's even been knitting words like "boy" and "tough" and "not a sissy" into his clothing. We finally had to say something when we heard her whisper, "Remember: chicks not dicks, Jack" while dropping him off at school one day.

Something old, something new; something borrowed, something . . . bulky, itchy, and fugly as hell.

Nice Balls

Looks like someone's trying to get all high fashion with their knitting. Yes, you can purchase this outfit. No, you should not.

It's like a loin cloth gone terribly wrong.

"We look so cool right now. Do you like my StarTrek glasses?"

"Honey, there's nothing I like better than sitting around in knee-high flood water, enjoying a smoke, and drinking 12 bottles of soda. Oh, look. The Johnsons are grilling."

What's Wrong With This Picture?

Huh?

Creepy. I thought dolls were supposed to be cute and cuddly? Well, somehow Spikey McSpurs won 2nd prize anyway.

This isn't fugly so much as it is amazing. I found it on eBay a long time ago, but I think the ad said it was 19 feet long. 19 feet!

On today's episode of Crafting with Cathy:

Knitting with Dryer Lint!

What the hell? I think maybe it's supposed to be some kind of little jester outfit but it just looks like a blown up stick of cartoon dynamite.

"Ooooooh, Susanna. I feel... such an attraction to you. I just can't help myself"

"I know. It's my new SexAppeal arm band. It looks kind of silly, but my does it work!"

This one's just too easy.

Knitasaurus

Sweeeeeet. And the dinosaur is wearing glasses. Awesome. I'm not sure why a grown woman is wearing it, but that doesn't matter. Only Knitasaurus matters right now.

A sweater. With sweaters on it. My, that's clever. And made for an adult, you say? Lovely.

Happy V-Day, Y'all!

Talking Heads

Whoa. Whoa. Who thought this was a good idea? Decapitated heads and half-bodies? Is that really what they were going for?

That little girl scares the bejebus out of me. Ew.

It's too blurry to tell, but I suspect some nippage.

"Good thing this is just a crappy background and we're not actually out in the hot sun or I'd be burning up in this effing coat."

The idea is kind of cool and maybe it would have worked if the designer had made the circle a bit smaller. But, as it is, it just looks like someone stuck a placemat on her chest.

Just Say No To Size 27 Needles

"Mama, I really 'preciate you knittin' me this sweater for the ho-down 'n all. But, I just don't want to go out there lookin' like a dang sheep all gussied up for a cotillion."

At first the "Scintillating Sweater Sheath" had my attention and I almost missed the wonder to the left. You have to click on it to really understand. There's some sort of thing-a-ma-bob that rolls down the front of the sweater. Or something. Honestly, I'm not sure what the hell is going on. Whatever it is, it's "futuristic."

Gauge: 1 st per inch

Ok, people. Again. If you're knitting something on size 27 needles with super chunky yarn, why doesn't it have sleeves?! If you're going to be in a climate that requires a turtle neck the size of Michigan doesn't it seem likely your arms might get a bit chilly?

Wait! I have the solution. Clearly this girl doesn't need these sleeve... things. She's on the beach! Give them to the sleeveless woman on the slopes.