"Oh, girl! Who told you that outfit was cute?"

Another nauseating background. Why so many patterns?

Or We Could Go To The Zoo

The best part of this is the fringe on the boys arms. That is just awesome. No, maybe it's his sunglasses. No, the weird yellow wrap thing in her hair...

Knitting on acid.

How Many Dalmations Died for These Sweaters?

It's an epidemic! Some sort of fungus has been attacking these sweaters.

At first I thought the shells were shark teeth. Actually, if they were shark teeth this top would be kind of bad-ass. Still fugly, but kind of bad-ass. Unfortunately it's just a really lame tank with a stupid asymmetrical collar, pointless dangling shells, and gross pink and purple novelty yarn.

"Big and Bold" and 14 shades of fug.

I don't know, you figure it out.

Clearly this child does not want this fugly hat on her head.

You know when you look at a pattern and you think, "Who the hell would make this?"?

Yeah, somebody did:

"Hey! Did you guys know Linda Carter is my second cousin-in-law twice removed?"

"Oh wow, Marsha. That's great. How... wonderful."

"I know! Isn't it groovy? Well, I have to go now. Has anyone seen my Lasso of Truth?"

These things scare the shit out of me. Who thought of these? What are they? Are they supposed to be cute?

I'm going to have nightmares about these masked children.

Hey, Baby. You like my bangs? I swirled them just for you.

Aw. Why so sad, Puffin?

Oh, shit y'all! This is the photo shoot for the sweaters? I thought this was the one with the circus clowns. Damnit, Betty! You set me up!

Holy Tangerines, Batman! It's Clementine von Orange!


Quick! Retrieve the BatJuicer!


Whew! That was a close one, Batman.

I'm not sure if this is knit or crochet, but that's kind of irrelevant because it's definitely made of dust bunnies.

If it's cold enough to wear a sweater like that then I do not want giant holes in my sweater.

Is she dipping her loaf of mini French bread/gigantic biscotti in her espresso? While wearing rubber gloves? I certainly couldn't think of anything better to do on a lazy afternoon.

Thumpety thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Look at Frosty go
Thumpety thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Over the hills of snow

That poor dog! It looks so uncomfortable.

And I don't know what that girl's so happy about. She's wearing a live dog necklace. That's insane.

I'm pretty sure this is violating some sort of animal cruelty law.

Both the dress and the pose are wildly unflattering.

Hello all you handsome devils out there!

My name is Kevin. Just a genuine young professional seeking out someone for conversation and casual dating. Go get coffee, hang out, rent a movie, cuddle... is that so much to ask for?

Please serious inquiries only would be appreciated.

xoxo, Kev

*Everything after "Kevin" and before "xoxo" was taken from an actual craigslist ad.

She looks like a yeti, poor thing.

Dear God,

Please save me from this fugly sweater.

Amen,
Margaret

Wow, these are essentially knit bodysuits. And I kind of want one.

Can anyone identify the black thing attacking this woman's head?

Lady 1: Hey, I'll give you 50 bucks if you trade outfits with me before they take the photo.

Lady 2: Hah, too late! And, no.

Great Big Knits for Dawn French!

It's Dawn French! Dawn French! If you don't know who she is then maybe you know about Absolutely Fabulous. She's the co-creator of AbFab along with Jennifer Saunders. I bet the sweater on the cover has the word 'fiesta' somewhere in its title.

Hey, lady. Lay off the cotton balls.

"Seriously, you guys. Neon is so in right now."

This is what it looks like when a perfectly healthy sweater becomes infected with the fuginitis bacteria.

"And so I thought to myself why not turn the bathroom rug into a vest?"

I don't have much of a sweet tooth, but I'm totally craving cotton candy now.

"Alas! I have created a true masterpiece in knitwear! I shall call it Fleur de Linebacker."