These things scare the shit out of me. Who thought of these? What are they? Are they supposed to be cute?

I'm going to have nightmares about these masked children.

Hey, Baby. You like my bangs? I swirled them just for you.

Aw. Why so sad, Puffin?

Oh, shit y'all! This is the photo shoot for the sweaters? I thought this was the one with the circus clowns. Damnit, Betty! You set me up!

Holy Tangerines, Batman! It's Clementine von Orange!


Quick! Retrieve the BatJuicer!


Whew! That was a close one, Batman.

I'm not sure if this is knit or crochet, but that's kind of irrelevant because it's definitely made of dust bunnies.

If it's cold enough to wear a sweater like that then I do not want giant holes in my sweater.

Is she dipping her loaf of mini French bread/gigantic biscotti in her espresso? While wearing rubber gloves? I certainly couldn't think of anything better to do on a lazy afternoon.

Thumpety thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Look at Frosty go
Thumpety thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Over the hills of snow

That poor dog! It looks so uncomfortable.

And I don't know what that girl's so happy about. She's wearing a live dog necklace. That's insane.

I'm pretty sure this is violating some sort of animal cruelty law.

Both the dress and the pose are wildly unflattering.

Hello all you handsome devils out there!

My name is Kevin. Just a genuine young professional seeking out someone for conversation and casual dating. Go get coffee, hang out, rent a movie, cuddle... is that so much to ask for?

Please serious inquiries only would be appreciated.

xoxo, Kev

*Everything after "Kevin" and before "xoxo" was taken from an actual craigslist ad.